When it comes to moustaches, there are plenty of them in the Warhammer world. Most of the time they're restricted to the races of Men and Dwarfs and you never see them in Elven armies (they can't grow facial hair, the poor things). The thing is, the most famous moustaches are rarely, if ever, all in one place at the same time and even the lure of the annual Hochland moustache-growers convention hasn't encouraged them all to make an appearance together. So today we went on a hunt to find the top five moustaches of the Old World. They were judged on size, boldness and solidity, and deducted points for being too small, tame or wispy.
In fifth place is Louen Leoncouer, the King of Bretonnia. While he may lack the size and majesty of many of the other crumb catchers in this contest, he has presented it beautifully, kind of like a furry fleur-de-lys. It's also very functional, allowing him to fit it inside a helmet without getting it caught in the hinges - a useful battlefield attribute.
In fourth place representing the Dwarfs is Thorgrim Grudgebearer, the High King of the Dwarfs. Unlike the two heroes of the Empire below, Thorgrim has allowed his nose mop to grow to an extraordinary length; so long, in-fact that if he tries to walk anywhere he's liable to trip over it (hence the big chair). He's even gone the extra mile to braid it neatly, giving him extra points for presentation.
When it comes to moustaches, Kurt Helborg has a real humdinger, garnering him a third place spot. With a total length wider than his own head, Kurt's under-nose hair is an impressive sight on the battlefield. Sadly, not everyone agrees, as Marius Leitdorf, the Mad Elector Count of Averland, has voiced the opinion that Kurt has a very poor moustache indeed (unfortunately Marius is now dead, though his death was in no way related to the insult, we hasten to add). Since that day Kurt has ensured that it's always in tip top condition.
Kurt Helborg is regarded as the greatest swordsman in the Empire, a rumour hotly contested by Ludwig Schwarzhelm, the Emperor's Champion. When it comes to facial hair though, Schwarzhelm clearly has the upper lip, as it were, because he opted for the full moustache/beard combo. While his face ferret may not be as neatly arranged as Kurt Helborg's, it more than makes up for it in volume, earning him a highly coveted second place.
And in first place we have a truly beautiful moustache; some might even say it's a work of art. The casual bushiness combined with the beard undernea... wait a minute. Something's a bit off here... oh my! Quick, fetch the judges, there's been a terrible mistake!